Adventures in 5th Grade

The boys have only been back at school for one week and I can tell it's going to be an EPIC year!!
ONE - because it's our last DCE year - 5th grade brings a close on another chapter of our lives as we say farewell to elementary school for the final time... and YES... this time it really IS FINAL!!!  :)
TWO - because the confusion, lying, pushing boundaries, and major meltdowns have already begun...

Chapter One:  Backpack Conundrum
One child brings home assignments and folders with paperwork to be signed on Tuesday and one does not.  No surprise here, right!?!?!  It's THURSDAY and one child has YET to bring ANYTHING home (including snack containers).  The conversation went something like this...
"Mom, My teacher is really nice and she reminded me that I have work to be done and folders to bring home.  She watched me put everything IN my backpack and I zipped it up really tight.  BUT look mom... NOTHING is in here now... my backpack is completely empty!  How is that possible?!?!"
Gee Son, I don't know... maybe you didn't really put anything in your backpack and just thought you did."
"No mom... I really did put everything in here... someone must have taken it out.  Oh, but here's my snack container, I thought I forgot that!"
Seriously... this backpack thing is scary.  Things go in but once it's zipped up... they disappear... and forgotten things appear!  AMAZING!!!
(Side note) He lost BOTH keys to his bike lock on Wednesday.  Probably because they were together and placed inside his backpack.  I hope we don't all have nightmares...

Chapter Two:  Am I smarter than a 5th grader?
Even though one child has brought home the assignment, he has tried to procrastinate finishing it each day.  Now that he wants a playdate, I can use that against him to get it done!  Let's face it... I'm not trying to win any perfect Mother awards or even a somewhat decent mother award.  I dread competition and just want to survive, send them off to college or a decent career, and retire in style with hopefully a tiny bit of sanity intact!  :)  -Ok, the sanity part might be asking a bit much, but we need to move along to the story here...
(Background - Child is punished from electronic devices)
"Mom, I know I can't use my tablet, but can I use the computer to do my research for this project?"
"Ummm, no"
"But Mom, I really need to go online and research this topic. (insert beginning of meltdown)  You want me to do my work, but you won't let me use the computer!  (insert temper tantrum and yelling)  How do you ever expect me to complete this project with out GOOGLE or YouTube videos!  You don't understand how ANYTHING works or this assignment and I need to do my research!!!"
"Son, the first part of your project is to write a paragraph about activities you did this summer.  If YOU don't know... GOOGLE and YouTube is NOT going to help you and your problems are quickly becoming far more serious than not being able to use an electronic device this week!!"
The scary part of this is that GOOGLE might know what he did this summer.  The second paragraph does require him to relate the activities to something scientific, but if he wants to do research we will go to the library and use... a... reference book... OH THE HORROR!!!  (I hope they still have encyclopedias...)

I hope we can all sleep tonight after all these frightful stories...